The Ape and the Lady

A LADY fair, of lineage high,
Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by –
The Maid was radiant as the sun,
The Ape was a most unsightly one –
So it would not do –
His scheme fell through;
For the Maid, when his love took formal shape,
Expressed such terror
At his monstrous error,
That he stammered an apology and made his ‘scape,
The picture of a disconcerted Ape.

With a view to rise in the social scale,
He shaved his bristles, and he docked his tail,
He grew moustachios, and he took his tub,
And he paid a guinea to a toilet club.
But it would not do,
The scheme fell through –
For the Maid was Beauty’s fairest Queen,
With golden tresses,
Like a real princess’s,
While the Ape, despite his razor keen,
Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen!

He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits,
He crammed his feet into bright tight boots,
And to start his life on a brand-new plan,
He christened himself Darwinian Man!
But it would not do,
The scheme fell through –
For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey craved,
Was a radiant Being,
With a brain far-seeing –
While a Man, however well-behaved,
At best is only a monkey shaved!