A Matter of Knack

Jock M’Pherson was a person who was boastful in conversin’,
But respectable and ponderous and dignified withal!
Con M’Carty was a party who was something of a smarty,
And beside the big M’Pherson looked particularly small;
But Cornelius M’Carty, he was artful, after all!

When Cornelius M’Carty thought M’Pherson was his dart, he
Made a wager he could carry him a mile along the track;
Which, considering M’Pherson was a very weighty person,
Was a risky undertaking for M’Carty’s little back.
But Cornelius protested it depended on the knack!

“Take yer coat off!” called M’Carty, and M’Pherson gave a start, he
Hadn’t bargained for proceedings the reverse of dignified!
But he felt he had the best of the arrangement. “Take yer vest off!”
Said M’Carty; and M’Pherson very graciously complied.
It was in the private parlor, and the crowd was all outside.

“Take yer boots off!” said M’Carty in a cheerful tone and hearty,
But M’Pherson he objected that the crowd would see his toes.
Said M’Carty, “See, M’Pherson, there ain’t any sense in cursin’,
Take yer boots off, I don’t reckon to be handicapped with those!
I am not the sort of juggins you apparently suppose!”

This M’Pherson’s wrath arouses. “But,” said he, “I’ll keep me trousers!”
“Not a trouser!” said M’Carty, “or to me the wager goes.
The conditions you’re reversin’; I will carry you, M’Pherson,
But the wager doesn’t say a blessed word about yer clothes!”
That was how the small M’Carty had M’Pherson by the nose!